i  get absorbed like everyone else, in people and in things.
im not unhappy when im happy, but when the things im absorbed in leave me i feel paralyzed.
i want these things, and so i became dependent on them for happiness, even though they are happiness. its that middle ground im supposed to achieve, where i care but not fully.
it's a bullshit lesson, to feel half alive or half there to avoid codependency. i wish someone wanted to depend on me, that way we'd both be wrong.

its when i find myself up at 2 am that i ask myself what am i waiting for, is there really going to be a ring at final call.

i deserve the biggest and best prize, im human, we all deserve these things, but i deserve them more. i want it more, and im not afraid to put my entire self out there.

my projects are going to consume me soon, and its in tune with what happening at the end of this month.

im sloppy seconds.
im second to someone's first.
i am maybe not even the second.

but i cant stop caring either way,
im not hurt.
but i am hurt.

let's not name names.
let's just forget about all of the rules.